If I Stand

Today, someone else's words are far better than any of mine could ever be. Rich Mullins is my favorite songwriter...favorite. Every song he wrote evokes such intense emotion from my spirit. Ever felt like a writer has dipped his quill into your private inkwell of thought and feeling and put it to paper? Well, that's Rich Mullins for me.

"If I Stand" was the first "Christian music" song I ever heard. Ever. I was in Craig's car driving to church with a bunch of other believers. But I wasn't yet a believer. I was "keeping an open mind," as they say. These lyrics moved me: while the other six people in the car were chatting about the ins and outs of everyday life, I was struck by the heart of this man who would write and sing about this "Giver of all good things" who was, at best, foreign to me. I remember tearing up. I remember looking at my hands as I sat, feeling quite alone, in that front seat. I remember feeling someone watching me. I remember looking up to meet Craig's face. I remember him saying simply, "Good song, huh." Not a question. An observation. I accepted Christ three days later.

This is a song about looking to God when life doesn't make sense, accepting that this world is bigger than Earth. Bigger than the Milky Way. Bigger than what you can even most grandly imagine. I long for Him. For home. For something bigger that doesn't require pain and tears and suffering and wondering. And waiting.

And here's the kicker: Rich Mullins died on September 19, 1997, in a car accident just before a concert. He was 41 years old. This man was humble and gifted in ways one cannot put to words: it is more of a feeling of that simplicity than any oral or written expression of it. Craig and I went to a concert he gave at Iowa State in 1995. I cannot describe the presence of the Holy Spirit quietly dwelling in that place. Like a guest of honor seated at the high table. In many ways, Rich Mullins reminds me of David Hames, actually. Same humility. Same simplicity. Same ability to affect with few words: the talent speaks for itself. When Craig and I heard of Rich's death, we actually pulled off the highway to turn up the radio. I cried. Just cried. Right there, with my husband who cried, too. It was as if a beloved friend had died...I suppose one had.

As we stand, waiting for God to answer our plea for David to come home, I thought of this song and of how much Rich Mullins' music has ministered to me for 15 years. It still ministers to me today. I hope it ministers to you, today, too.

Here's a link to Rich performing this song:

Rich Mullins and "If I Stand"

And here are the lyrics:

There's more that rises in the morning
Than the sun
And more that shines in the night
Than just the moon
It's more than just this fire here
That keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger
Than this room

And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegiance
I owe only to the giver
Of all good things

CHORUS:
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home

There's more that dances on the prairies
Than the wind
More that pulses in the ocean
Than the tide
There's a love that is fiercer
Than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother's
When her baby's at her side

And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver
Of all good things

CHORUS(2x)

And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home