Renderings: Lobe Bling

Grace turned 9 on December 21st. We started asking her what she wanted to do for her birthday a couple of months before that. At our house, starting at age 3, we only have a friends' party every other year: after careful structuring in the last two of those, we've now got everybody (except Judsen, of course) on the same year for partying. With our anniversary in late October, Elijah's birthday in early November, then Thanksgiving, then Grace's birthday, then Christmas, then the New Year, then Craig's birthday on January 2nd....inhale big breath here...we'd rather face the parties every other 365 days than look 'em in the eye every year.

Funny, isn't it, how such planning becomes an employment of simple survival?

Anyway, this isn't a party year; instead, we plan a special family event structured around the likes and wants of the birthday child. About two years ago, Grace came home from school asking, "Mommy, how come my ears don't have holes?" Another little friend in 1st grade had just pierced her ears, and Grace had fallen fast infatuated with the glimmer of lobe bling. Obviously, every house institutes a different philosophy on the appropriate ages for this milestone. I'll note that, at our house, girl "fancies," as we call them, are kept to a careful minimum. I resisted this same mantra in my own girlhood as my parents held off on ear-piercing, nail-painting, makeup...you get the drift. In fact, I never painted my nails until my twenties...and, even then, only my toes. I didn't wear makeup until I got married. But, though, I at first made a fuss as the other girls my age got to explore and embellish when I could not, the appeal soon ebbed and, before I knew it, didn't matter at all. I passed through adolescence and into adulthood rarely considering hairstyles or eye shadow, preferring to forego the broken nail if it meant having fun in the moment. Now, as an adult woman, I like to pedicures and facials and will take a slammin' shade of lip gloss any day, but I don't need those fancies to feel pretty. Consequently, you're just as likely to see me in a t-shirt and ball cap than a dress and heels. We want that same freedom for Grace: the extras that make us embrace our femininity are great and, like most other cultural components of gender, they're best used in the right time and place. So, you see why deciding about pierced ears was a biggie for me and Craig.

We ultimately figured 7 was too young for our parental palate and told her that, if she continued to be interested, we'd revisit for her 10th birthday. And we did. And she was. And we held true to our word. So, our event was particularly special because we'd never planned a date with just one child. We each take our kids on "dates," but only one at a time and only with a single parent. But Gracie wanted both of us present to share in this momentous occasion: first, she picked Red Robin for lunch where she got two balloons (yep, her heart is easily glad) and then off we went for her new accessories. She picked her birthstones to be her first earrings and asked Daddy to hold her hand while the lady "loaded the gun."

After a quick couple of pops, she declared, "That wasn't too bad. Harder than a pinch, I'd say, but not as bad as a shot." And, like most Grace stories, this one ends with a smile and a laugh and the best compliment she's received so far: upon our return home, Elijah looked at her ears, hugged ear, and proudly proclaimed, "Grace, you're beautiful!"

The Pre-Bling Lobe