Yes, But Do I Rejoice?

As you've read, I'm progressing through Crazy Love by Francis Chan. So good. I come across so many tidbits that make me stop and evaluate my life anew. Some of that thinking is pretty off the chart. Remember: this book is about crazy love, which means you've got to be open to thinking radical and not just, "Eh. That's not for me." Who's to say it's not for you? If you want to be better, go deeper, grow stronger, it's not just about hitting the gym and eating a high-protein, low-sugar/salt/bad fat diet....we must cultivate the inside, too.

My most recent tidbit: 

"I used to believe this in this world there are two kinds of people: natural worriers and naturally joyful people. I really couldn't help it that I was the worrying kind. I'm a problem solver, so I have to focus on things that need fixing. God can see [...] my intensity and anxiety [...] But then there's that perplexing command: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Phil. 4:4)." 

While I'm neither a worrier nor a particularly joyful person, I glean much from this sentiment. Namely, I'm a realist who leans far more toward glass half-empty than it ever occurs to me to lean half-full. I'm a thinker and, yes, I sure am a problem solver. I have a masculine communication style that makes it efficient to exchange with men, but far harder with women. And, boy, am I intense. 

So what's that got to do with the price of pudding? Well, during the Month of Love, I thought I was learning this: I'm not sure I'm fully appreciated by my family. Note that I wrote "thought" I was learning. I spent the last week moaning and groaning about it...mostly internally, but I confess, some seepage found the external, too. I spent a few days pondering how to convince my family to change...and then it occurred to me: why? Why do I want them to change? Can I lead them by example? Sure! Can I encourage them to follow? Yep. Can I rely on them to alter who they are strictly for the benefit of my happiness and acceptance? Absolutely not.

We live in a postmodern culture where we've swung the pendulum to care for self as "me against all." In other words, we implement phrases like "take care of you" and "protect yourself" as if everyone we love and value is coming after us. It's a position of defense, to say the least. But I don't believe my family - these living, breathing evidences of how much He gives that I don't deserve - are out to get me. They need me as I need them. This isn't the emotional Olympics: loving shouldn't be about what I get in return. I'm not judging them on their level of execution, technical skill, or artistic components. Why can't it be enough to know they love me? The answer is, it can. 

I realize that, regardless of our personality profiles, spiritual gifts, innate talents, and intrinsic temperaments, we are still called to rejoice in the much rather than "Eeyore" in the few. As Chan writes, "When I am consumed by my problems - stressed about my life, my family, my job - I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God's command to always rejoice." Well, shoot! I don't want to convey that! Yes, I believe in good boundaries. Of course, I believe in speaking your mind about the feelings in your heart. Certainly, relationship means you must conquer conflict and face rejection. But I also know the only person I can fully change is me: only I am responsible for my choices. And my family is so worth the effort.

This week, I'm committing to choosing to rejoice in all I have...not the "stuff" of this world that competes for my attention and affections. No, I'll rejoice in the "who" of my life: they may not be perfect but, then again, neither am I. They may not love as I want them to love but, then again, lately I've needed a love reboot, too. Love isn't about my definition, my family's definition, or even your definition. He defined it for us:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. 

In chapter five, Chan poses this challenge: Everywhere you see love, insert your name instead. See how well you pass God's definition of love. My results last week? Not good, so I'm going to do better.

It is enough to know my family loves me. Who they are is enough for me. Though I've been teaching my two older children these verses, I've found (as it usually goes), I'm learning perhaps even more than they are. I'm aware that I'm not living as radically in love as I want, that there's more to weed out, till up, plow under. Though it may seem crazy, that's love.

Crazy love.