You Complete Me

I have Oprah issues. I'm caught in a tug-of-war between the allure of the captivating guests she hosts and the overall annoying interview habits she employs. I don't agree with her politics or even her morals (at least, not entirely). Yet, I applaud her generosity and humanitarian efforts to improve the world at large.

At times, she's insightful and funny; others, she's agenda-based, pushy, and even hijacking in her tactics ("I don't mean to interrupt you" followed by interrupting: the latter action cancels the former sentiment, no? And "Let me tell you what you really think" makes me want to zoom into the stratosphere while waving a banner of "No, Oprah. I can think for myself!")

Craig calls her the anti-Christ. I call her wildly popular with as much pop-cultural influence as President Obama has political. So, as with most such tug-of-wars, I vacillate between taking a stand and seeing the fruit in it (kind of like shouting at the tv during a sports event...I do it though I know with certainty the fellow can't actually hear me).

Now, during her final season, I'm intrigued enough once again to dip my toes in the water of my self-made controversy....what can I say? She equally fascinates and irks me. Regardless, I'm catching a show now and again thanks to the ever-gifting invention called DVR.

Last last week, Jenny McCarthy sat for a segment and addressed, in detail, her breakup with Jim Carey. It was interesting, I thought, how adamantly she claims her romance didn't define her: yet, here she was talking about it for 25 minutes of air time. Anyway, she spoke about the line from Jerry McGuire. Near the movie's end, Jerry announces to his wife, "You complete me." Yes, a famous line all around and, yes, we can all hear the hapless sighs of "Ohhhhh....how sweet!" from miles around. McCarthy made reference to the line, labeling it "a farce", to which Oprah decried, "And it has messed some women up!"

Okay, well, probably true since everything under the sun messes someone up somewhere, I suppose. They went on to speak of how no man "completes" you since "you complete yourself." Now, I don't actually agree fully with either one of those statements, but the next step in the conversation really got me going.

Oprah asked McCarthy: "Did you some part of you know this man wasn't your life partner?" to which McCarthy replied, "You know, my inner self did. That's probably why I kept my own house and controlled my own money." And the audience applauded.

It's saddens me that we see marriage as adversarial: a me-protected-against-you-protecting-yourself-against-me mentality never leads to a statement like "You complete me" because we're always encased safely within our walls of defense. I'm not a romantic, but I believe in giving my all: what's so wrong with cautiously plowing the row of love and commitment until you reap the harvest of permanent and lifelong partnership? What's wrong with casting off the reins of what defined solely "you" as he does the same for him until you've fashioned a merged life of "us"?

It seems these two notions - "You complete me" and the walls of defense - are two extremes of relationship outlook. What we really want is the healthy middle, right, since this is where real "us" lives? So why was that audience so ready to applaud separatist actions...especially in light of their context which, let's not forget, is a failed relationship (and, let me add by the way, that I think, had it been Carey keeping his house and money separate, that same audience would have accused him of having fear of commitment or readying to cheat. I'm just sayin'.)

Yes, it's good to maintain self: pursue our interests and our identity to thrive as a human being. But is it not equally critical to maintain "us", to pursue that which unites us wholeheartedly, no holds barred, all-in no matter what?

I don't know...am I totally off my rocker here?

I only know that completion is good. I believe it happens in multitudes of relationship venues and that marriage -if you have one- can be the most fulfilling. I don't want to live separate in any key relationship, celebrating how I've kept myself separate in the interest of my own protection. I want to put it all out there, living in abandonment, exercising crazy love.

I know I sometimes fall short.
I often fail.
But trying to my utmost every day is reaping profound rewards...
not the least of which is having the privilege of telling someone
"You complete me."